We all possess an inner critic or “critical inner voice.” We experience this “voice” as a negative internal commentary on who we are and how we behave.

The critical inner voice is formed out of painful early life experiences in which we witnessed or experienced hurtful attitudes toward us or those close to us. As we grow up, we unconsciously integrate this pattern of destructive thoughts toward ourselves and others.

The voice of my inner critic was so loud it sabotaged my success in
business, relationships and prevented me from living the life I longed for.

It was so loud it prevented me from hearing the true, authentic voice of my intuition, my believing self, my courageous self and from embracing my uniqueness. The solution, for me, was to recognize my inner critic for what it was – a bully.

In a recent article in Psychology Today, Dolly Chugh, a social psychologist at NYU’s Stern School of Business, shares that our inner critic encourages us to think in a simplistic binary way – good or not, honest or not, fair nor not.  It prevents us from seeing and believing our potential and negatively influences decision-making and actions.

I love her suggestion to start thinking of ourselves as “good-ish” – a term she introduces in her book The Person You Mean to Be.  “Good-ish” embraces the idea that we make mistakes, don’t always make the best decisions, and yet we strive to do and be better by tuning into our higher self – our good-person image.  “Good-ish” encourages us to take risks, make mistakes and, most important, break free from what’s holding us back.

You can start tuning out your inner critic and tuning into your truly unique “good-ish” self by following these four steps:

Step 1: Listen carefully and identify what your critical inner voice is telling you. Remember that your critical inner voice is not a reflection of reality. Rather, it’s a viewpoint from your past based on early life experiences and attitudes.  It no longer defines who you are today and the values and beliefs you want in your life and business.

Step 2: One way to help you distance yourself from your critical inner voice is to write these thoughts down in the second person (as “you” statements). For example, a thought like “I can’t get anything right. I’ll never be successful” could be written as “You can’t get anything right. You’ll never be successful.” This will help you see these thoughts as an “other” point of view and not as true statements. It’s shocking, isn’t it, to see how negative and hostile this internal enemy can be?

Step 3: You can respond to your inner critic by writing down a more realistic and compassionate “good-ish” evaluation of yourself. Write these responses in the first person (as “I” statements). As an example, I often heard my inner critic say, “You’re such an idiot,”.  Writing a statement that was more truthful could look like this, “I may struggle at times, but I am smart and competent in many ways.” This exercise isn’t meant to build you up or boost your ego but to show a kinder, more honest and “good-ish” attitude toward yourself.

Step 4: Remember not to act on the directives of your inner critic. Take actions that represent the point of view if who want to be and what you aim to achieve. Your critical inner voice may get louder, telling you to stay in line or not to take chances. However, by identifying, separating from, and acting against this destructive thought process, you will grow stronger, while your inner critic grows weaker.

Heeding the voice of the inner critic can result in living in the suffocating space devoid of opportunity, possibilities and dreams. Having vacated that space, I can tell you it’s another life entirely when you align your mindset with something greater, your authentic, confident self that acknowledges you will make mistakes and that’s how you become more of who you are – your truly unique “good-ish” self!

Would love to know your thoughts on this!