You and I are intelligent, hard-working entrepreneurs, right? We don’t expect clients to miraculously appear, although that would be nice, wouldn’t it? We know wishing and hoping isn’t a viable success strategy. We know that it’s not realistic to count on winning the mega-bucks lottery, although that would be awesome.
When I started my business, I expected to put in the hours and do whatever I had to achieve the success I craved. Yet, over time, I became disenchanted, dismayed and yes, discouraged because I wasn’t getting the results I wanted. It wasn’t pretty.
In one of those amazingly magical moments of insight, clarity and brilliance, it hit me. What I “thought” I wanted, wasn’t what I really wanted. And that’s when I decided to put the brakes on everything I was doing that was business related. I took a time out.
Stopping everything was equally frightening and exhilarating. I was so hooked into the endless hours of work and struggle that it controlled my life much like an addiction.
That was six years ago and with conviction, I can say that taking that time out was the best decision for my business, my life and my happiness. What I discovered was this: I didn’t really know what I wanted! Admittedly, that was a shocking realization.
Here are the steps I took to discover what I really wanted for my business and how to get it.
Ask different questions
What I thought I wanted for my business – and myself – was a definition of success I “inherited” from others. It wasn’t what I really wanted so of course, I didn’t achieve it, which kept me in the constant “struggle” mindset. Here are some of the questions I asked:
- What is my definition of success in every aspect of my life including business, personal, health, relationships, financial, life and lifestyle?
- What am I willing to do, give and give up to achieve my definition of success?
- Am willing to put success as a future goal, or is success a state of being that I want to experience and enjoy everyday?
Taking the time to go within and unearth these answers seemed like a colossal waste of time. Didn’t I need to scramble, be in constant motion, engage in “productive” work, find my next client? No, rather I needed to be quiet, still the raging mental monologue and stop the perpetual motion. Only by stepping out of the storm could my heartfelt answers emerge.
Commit to having what you want even if you don’t know how to get it
John Strelecky, in his book The Big Five for Life, talks about allowing the “Mad How Disease” to prevent us from pursuing what we really want. Speculative statements like, “I’ll see what happens when…”, or “If only…” are examples of not knowing the “how” and that holds us back.
The simplicity of his message is also the brilliance for me. When you’re crystal clear on what you truly want, the “how” will present itself.
Here are some examples of statements to replace the doubt.
- I want 4 weeks of vacation each year.
- I want my business to support a lifestyle of ease and freedom.
- I want a partner who shares my values.
- I want to eat healthy and be more physically fit.
Shifting from wondering or speculative statements to specific declarative statements requires your attention and intention. It’s a new habit that needs to be developed. Think of it as starting a new exercise routine and remember to start slow. Here are some simple and easy examples: today I’ll swim for 20 minutes and have chicken and vegetables for lunch. I will take one week off this quarter and go to ____. When you have clarity about what you want, are committed to getting it, then you will make it happen.
See it and believe it
Visualization may feel a bit woo woo – and that’s okay. Listening to some of the Olympic athletes being interviewed, there was one constant training technique they all shared – their training included visualizing them being at the top of their skill. They “see” themselves winning and believe in their ability. This is one of my favorite Henry Ford quotes: “Whether you believe you can or believe you can’t, you’re right.”
Details are important – the more specific you are, the more real it becomes. As you’re visualizing, be sure to include how you’ll feel, the energy within, the emotions and sense of joy and accomplishment. Take into account every aspect of experiencing the joy of getting what you want.
Stay out of the way
Not knowing the “how” often holds people back from getting what they want. Staying out of the process, the “how”, and maintaining clarity and focus on what you want, is where you desire to be. When you have clarity, confidence will come. The beauty in this step is that it also frees up your energy and allows you to be open to new opportunities and possibilities to achieve what you want in ways that you previously had not considered.
When I had the awareness that working harder wasn’t going to give me what I wanted, it created the opportunity for me to explore other options, resources and approaches. Rather than being intent on “doing it my way” I opened myself up to alternatives and discovered that if I was working really hard to make something happen, it was likely not in alignment with my truest self.
Be grateful for what I have
Prior to my “awakening” I could give you a laundry list of things I didn’t have or couldn’t have. I invested a great deal of time, energy and attention to creating and revisiting this list, and to what end? What did I achieve? Nothing – in fact it was worse than nothing – it took me further from what I wanted.
Today, even though I may not like the shape or configuration of my body, I can be grateful because it keeps me alive. I start each day and end each day with a prayer of gratitude – the items are different each day. Some are big like celebrating 30 years of marriage while others are such as having a green light that saved me a few minutes – or a red light that created the opportunity for me to watch the clouds drift across the sky.
Like me, you may discover that getting what you want may be much easier than knowing what you want. Being quiet, and going within was contrary to my action-oriented behavior and make-it-happen mindset. I was conditioned to listening to my head and making decisions from my mental capacity. I neglected to tune in and listen to other knowledgeable resources within me such as my soul, intuition, body and energy. Recognizing the importance of accessing all of me, my highest, authentic self, has enabled me to definitively know what I want and open the pathway to getting what I want with considerable less effort!
Today, I have choices. I can choose to get what I want, believe in my abilities and worthiness, stay out of the way and be grateful for this marvelous adventure we call life.
I wish you success, as you choose to define it.