Have you had a relationship with someone – friend, colleague, family member or a romance – and noticed that he or she seems to be pretty hard on himself or herself? Perhaps you’ve heard this person mumble with disgust, “I’m so stupid” or perhaps, with a tone of resignation, “Why bother, I’ll just screw it up?” Perhaps he or she has shared frustrations with you, disappointments or painful memories, and seemingly needs to repeat the story – often. This individual can shift into the harshest judge, with critical comments and hurtful words.
I know this person – in fact, I’m intimately acquainted with this person because I used to live with her 24/7. Note the past tense – used to. It was a stark realization when I understood that I no longer wanted to be in a relationship with that person. I did not want to be influenced by her negativity, discouraged by her doubt, or talked out of doing something that I really wanted to do. That was the moment I decided to end the relationship. It was time for her to move on, move away, move out. No longer was I going to tolerate her messing around with my life.
Who was this person? Me. That’s right, me. I was my harshest critic: unforgiving, critical and judgmental. The internal dialogue ran 24/7 and, trust me, it was not encouraging, supportive, loving and inspiring. All of her thoughts – conscious or not – influenced decisions, actions, behaviors and beliefs. Is it any surprise that I was frustrated, unfulfilled and wounded?
Of course not. I was the product of my thoughts and beliefs. The real truth was: If I wanted my life to be different, I had to change my thinking. To change my thinking, I had to let go of the myths, untruths, hurts and grudges. It was time to embrace a new dialogue – one of respect, appreciation and gratitude.
Be here next week to learn the steps I took to let go of that unhealthy relationship and develop the Ultimate Relationship with myself. Then you, too, can become your best friend!
Quote to ponder:
“It’s hard to fight an enemy who has outposts in your head.” Sally Kempton
Question to Ponder:
What do you value most in your friends?